Some jokes I've found 'round the Net. Hope you like 'em, man!

How many deadheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

1 to screw it in and 90,000 to follow it around until it burns out*

Why couldn’t the lifeguard save the drowning hippie?

He was too far out, man

Why do hippies love corduroy?

Because it’s groovy

What does Cottee's and the Dead have in common?

They both have great jams

What kind of cigarettes does a hippie smoke?


What do you call a hippie's wife?


We’re gonna spend thirty billion dollars to find out if there’s any intelligent life on Mars.
Of course there’s intelligent life on Mars.
You can tell by the fact that they’re not spending thirty billion dollars to find out about us!

I can see it now.
Hundreds of years from now, archaeologists poking around in the dust of what once was
New York—trying to determine what caused the decline and fall of the American civilization.
And all they can find is a battery-operated pepper mill.

I won’t say how important my job was, but when they replaced me with a computer—
it was secondhand.

So, I was driving to a Phish show, and I see this guy on the side of the road walking with one shoe on. He looks like he has been walking for a very long time.
I call out to him - "Hey man, you lost a shoe!"
He responds - "Nah, man, I found a shoe!"

*(I love The Dead, it's just nice to be able to poke fun at yourself, too!)