How many deadheads
does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
1 to screw it in and
90,000 to follow it around until it burns out*
the lifeguard save the drowning hippie?
He was too far out,
hippies love corduroy?
Cottee's and the Dead have in common?
They both have
kind of cigarettes does a hippie smoke?
do you call a hippie's wife?
We’re gonna spend thirty billion
dollars to find out if there’s any
intelligent life on Mars.
Of course there’s intelligent life on
You can tell by the fact
that they’re not spending thirty billion
dollars to find out about us!
I can see it now.
Hundreds of years from now,
archaeologists poking around in the dust
of what once was
New York—trying to determine what caused
the decline and fall of the American
And all they can find is a
battery-operated pepper mill.
won’t say how important my job was,
but when they replaced me with a
it was secondhand.
I was driving to a Phish show, and I
see this guy on the side of the road
walking with one shoe on. He looks
like he has been walking for a very
I call out to him - "Hey man, you lost
He responds - "Nah, man, I found a
love The Dead, it's just nice to be
able to poke fun at yourself, too!)